Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day to all. Unfortunatley, holidays are not some sort of "not cool proof" shield, and often even more not cool things tend to happen around these days.

For instance

Idiots who put their blinker on 15 turns before the turn they want, and go 10 miles an hour until they get to their turn are not cool.

So, we are cruising home from our weekly trip to the large international bargain priced mega department store we will refer to as "The World" in the future, when we get behind this beat up wreck driving down the street at 10 miles per hour with their left blinker going like its broken and in a perpetual state of blinkitis.

Heres a tip, we all appreciate your considerance for warning us of an impending turn. Unfortunatley, warning us of an impending turn is only neccessary when youre actually going to TURN.

Home wasnt an annoyance proof bastion either, because something that has been ticking me off for a while.....

Pay subscription channels that you pay between 10-15 bucks per month, playing the same movies over and over again, is completely unacceptable and not cool.

There have been thousands, maybe millions of movies created over our great cinematic history, yet, for some reason, every time I turn on one of the couple channels, I see the same movie being played. Come on now, how many times can one person watch "Dunston Checks In", "House of Wax" and "New York Minute" before they want to gouge out their own eyes. Ive mentioned on several occassions to my wife that Id rather watch "snow" (the scrambled black and white alternating blinking dots seen when there is no reception), then one of these movies for the thousandth time. Seriously, who determined that a daily dose of "Empire Records" and "Land of the Dead" is a desirable use of the viewerships pay per play time?

This is becoming worse then FM radio, only difference is, I dont pay for the priveledge of listening to the same five songs on the radio.

Heres a tip, why dont you return to the OLD formats, where you could go weeks or months without seeing the same movie played on a pay channel. I cant imagine that many people are appreciative of the comic tandem of Paul Reubens and Jason Alexander to the point which they need to watch it every day after their morning piss, mmmk.

So my wife has this craving for a pot pie from "Quick Fast Food Chicken Joint" referred to as QFFCJ. Being the loving husband I am, I get dressed with her in tow and we go to QFFCJ.

-----Fast food restaurants that have 5 people on staff, and just one working arent cool.-----

Im standing there at the front desk. I see-

2 robust women standing by the drive through window, both with those stupid headsets on, both blankly staring at me.
1 skinny young dude, who seems to be preparing all of the orders
1 young woman who is wondering about aimlessly


As I stand there patiently and look around (Ive aquired immense patience for the service industry from actually working in it for years), I see

2 robust women STILL standing by the drive through window, one has removed the headset and has figured how to use the microphone as an apparatus for scratching an area that would make future users of that headset cringe.
1 skinny young dude, who has made so many laps around the serving station, I can probably guess how he stayed in that condition.
1 young woman who has magically dissapeared, leaving an empty register
1 older robust woman with a pleasant "shift supervisor" tag on her shirt who seems to have fallen from the rafters. Her concern is not the line out the door, most of which are not nearly as patient as I, but changing the paper in the cash register.
3 other customers standing there waiting for their order.

Finally,

1 robust woman standing there by the drive through window.
1 robust woman bringing one of the customers their missing order. King Midas would be jealous of the amount of gold in this womans mouth. They must have raised the pay since I was in the industry....or not.
1 young woman who has reappeared with half of one of the customer waitings order
1 young man standing there looking blankly at the order monitor, which has 4 or 5 orders on it while putting together another missing piece of another womans order.

It took a full 45 minutes to place and receive my order, of which during that time, I witnessed 4 of the 5 employees stand there or dissapear from the service area for over 75% of that time or more.

Here is a tip fast food management
1. You do not need two people on 1 drive through window. I have seen one person handle a window, while frying up french fries and making frosties simutaneously. Note to management, this is a waste of labor hours.
2. Customers are normally not amused by watching staff frantically find places to hide. They are even less amused by managers and shift supervisors standing or sitting in their office watching this go on and doing nothing. Correct me if Im wrong, but I thought line managers were supposed to lead by example.......or maybe I missed the class on "How to be a Sure-Fire Dickhead Manager 101" back when I was a shift supervisor.
3. Changing tape in a receipt machine is not rocket science. You do not need to lock up the tape rolls in your little office, and force a worker bee to come get you off your fat ass to change one.


After making sure my wife was satisfied, I was rewarded on the trip home with some other things that arent cool.

-------Hustlers using kids are not cool.------

So the wife and I pull out of QFFCJ, and while going down one street we see

1 woman holding a sign that says "Stranded Need Gas"
1 Small child bouncing around her legs

So the wife says

"Why is she standing outside of Target with a sign like that, why would she be shopping if she doesnt have any money?"

Looking down the street I see

1 gas station

My reply is

"Why is she standing there begging for gas, when shes 3 blocks from a gas station?"

The wife- "She has a kid with her though"

Me- "Yeah I see that"

The wife, getting what Im insinuating- "Thats terrible shes using a child for that"

I think for a second

Me- "Did you notice she had a prepaired sign completely done up with magic markers and on poster board? What are the chances she just had that hanging around like a spare tire?"

The wife, always looking for the good until the end- "She does have a kid, maybe she had some markers with her?"

Me- "No, I think shes just a scammer using a kid for sympathy"

The wife- "It probably isnt even hers. Shes probably just using someone elses kid"

Me- "Probably, that sounds like a scammer thing to do. She probably goes to different spots by the week to fill up."

Here is a tip hustlers

1. Dont use your kid, or someone elses kid. Its just wrong.
2. Do not use a prepared sign on posterboard. Take a cue from the "will work for food" crowd and use a torn piece of cardboard box cruedly written in black marker or ink.

--------Women who roll up their sleeves like a dude are not cool------

So we are driving down the street, minding our own business, and I am blinded by

2 women with their sleeves rolled up like dudes and wearing basketball shorts jogging.

Me, audibly to myself as we come up on them- "Look at these butches"
The wife- "They look kind of young in the face"
Me- "Ok, so theyre young butches?"

Here is a tip ladies.

Rolling up your sleeves is not attractive to men, and its not cool to boot. Niether are knee length or below basketball shorts. If you are planning on running in basketball shorts and a tshirt, please, rethink that decision, or at least keep the sleeves of the shirt down.